And it happened to me.
I remembered vividly how I felt back then.
I was terrified that I might lose this relationship of ours because it went from 100 to 0 so quickly in a day. I was terrified because I knew that I want this relationship yet I couldn't do anything for it and I didn't want to pretend that I am happy when I'm feeling troubled about our relationship.
When I saw his messages, it didn't make me feel as excited as before. I replied him for the sake of replying because I didn't want to make him worried about us and all the unnecessary uncertainties.
The next day, he came over and hugged me in his arms, not saying a single word and just lay beside me. I cried without him realizing, as I didn't know how to face him, with all the feelings bottled inside me. When both of us put in so much efforts in this relationship and suddenly it just disappeared in a day for me. He could sense a difference in me. He questioned my thoughts and I told him how I felt. I guess it was a big blow for him because we didn't have any arguments or anything and it just happened all of a sudden.
He asked me out the next day just like the way he did when we just started out. I gave a thought and agreed to hang out as I felt that it's not the end for us and it's only the end when both parties give up. When I saw him at the station, my actions didn't match what I wanted to do. I wanted to give a tight hug but I couldn't even hold his hand properly. I clenched my fist to push him off when he tried to hold my hand but still held my fist anyway. Wanted to talk about my feelings but I avoided it as always. When we finally sat down in the cinema with his arm around me and another for me to hold, that was when I felt that everything reverted back like how it used to be when we watched our first movie together.
I appreciate all the constant love he had given to me, even though I feel that I don't deserve a person like him to be in my life because all I did was avoid, conceal, and more avoiding. I would like to thank him for loving me and not giving up on me, knowing that I'm hard to love since the beginning of our relationship. I truly enjoyed every day with him, even just by texting or through the webcam. There will be more obstacles in front of us for sure but I'm even more confident that we'll overcome it together. We can't have a rainbow without a little rain, right?
I love you, boo.
- XOXOs