Irony.

Asked me to speak up, I did.
But it was a joke to you.

Asked me to explain, I did.
But it was still unclear to you.

I did what you asked.
But somehow the fault was mine in the end.

So, why did you even bother to ask me to speak up about my feelings when you don't even care how I feel?

Trying Your Best.

In a group project or at work, you were tasked with a simple task to them but to you, it was kinda challenging. They expected that you can complete it in a day but it took you three days.

In class, the teacher taught you some mathematical formula. Your friends get it right away, and you don't. By the end of the semester, you finally got it before the examinations.

At home, there were guests in the house. You were stressed up by some assignments and tried to hide your emotions by fake smiling and greeting them. You are sorta a bad actor and somehow, they managed to sense the negative emotions and thought they were unwelcomed into the house because they don't know what happened.

In a relationship, both parties have a different point of view. They argued by expressing their views. Not just once, but many times because their views were still being misunderstood.

You've been labeled as "lazy", "stupid", "rude", and "incompatible" respectively.

But at the end of the day, did you complete your tasks?
At the end of the day, did you manage to do your exam?
At the end of the day, did the guests know that you were stressed up or even try to show some concern to you instead of letting their imagination run wild?
At the end of the day, did you manage to resolve that particular issue without implicating other issues that were previously resolved or unresolved?

Is trying your best for the task enough?
Is trying your best for your exam but didn't get a distinction is enough?
Is trying your best to hide your emotions but got seen through enough?
Is trying your best to express and understand the point of views enough?

To you, it may be the "best".
To others, they find that you're not even trying.

There are limits for "best" to all things and to different people.
Example: Both you and your friend got assigned the same task. Both worked on it non-stop. Your friend completed it in an hour and that's his best. You completed it in three hours and that's your best. Were you both trying? Yes. Were you both trying your best? Yes also. However, the person who assigned the task showed a different attitude towards you and your friend because he completed the task faster.

If you cannot genuinely accept one who was already trying his best, is it because you can't understand them because you had never been through it before? Or maybe it was because you are having high expectations? Or you not being able to express your thoughts properly? Or you just simply don't even bother trying to understand?

Comfortable Talk.

When things went wrong, talk it out to someone.
If that thing that went wrong is regarding a person, talk it out to that person.
Go and get to know what is going on in their mind and discuss what is the next step to resolve the problem.
Honestly, you will feel better after talking it out.
All those unnecessary thoughts kept in the mind will only add worries.
By worrying, it doesn't change anything and it is a complete waste of time.
It messes with your mind and steals your happiness.
Discuss it out and change those into actions.
Things will get better instead.

Quiet House.

The house became quiet.

I've no one to talk to about my day because you were always around to listen.

No more food prepared by you.

No more laughter.

Just me, sitting alone at the dining table, eating the takeaway or the leftover.

I miss you.

A Race With Time.

I lost.

Time.

We always think that we have all the time in the world to do all the things we desired at our own pace.
But in actual fact, no, we don't have that amount of time.

Start cherishing.
Start what you planned to do.
No more procrastination.
Who knows that you might be gone in this world the next minute?

It's all in the mind.

I believed that all we need to do is to think positively.
Give a chance. If not a lot more.
It's all about whether you want or don't want to put in effort into this relationship.

When I was lost back then and knowing that deep down I still want this relationship, you helped to pull me back in. A post that was written back in June 2017: Lost & Found.
Of course, the process was hurting for us but it was worth it cause we get to build more memories together by walking this long path together in this relationship.

All in all, I just want to tell you that it's all in the mind.
I know you need time to sort it out but at the same time, I don't want us to be distanced.
I want to accompany you like how we always hang out together.
By looking into each other's face with that smile on our faces, comforting each other that it will be alright.

I'll be waiting.
Waiting for you to sort out your thoughts and share with me your thoughts too instead of just you trying to understand mine so that we could grow together as one.
Waiting for you to meet me and hang out like we always do again.
All I ask for is to get a chance to show that I really do care about you, about us.
Don't give up on us and let me help you to pull you back in again.
I love you.

I told myself that.

Ever since I had a bad relationship, I never would've thought that I could get out of that misery.
The misery of heartache every single day and they said time heals which is obviously a lie cause it didn't help much either.
Every time when I tried to tell the story of how that relationship ended, tears would just flow down my cheeks.
I told myself that if I were to get into another relationship, I will not put 100% in it anymore so that I won't get hurt so badly again.
But then again, who am I lying to? It's hard to not do so.
Especially when that guy made me feel whole again, pulling me out from the misery that I was in.
And now that story does not affect me as that chapter has finally ended.

We started on this new chapter despite the fear I had in the beginning. You were there to encourage me, for us. I appreciate it. In return, I too, do the same for you, for us. But now, I got nothing from your side. Although sometimes you would post something related to me, or even just a call which will make me smile for a day because I know that you care, your constant effort is still needed.

I often read this and tell myself that, maybe it is that "some days" you're having.
But it has been too long...
Giving my 90% isn't enough anymore.
I'm tired... Really tired...
I miss you, I miss us...

"Before you give up, think about why you held on for so long."

Even though I'm tired, I will still try my best to make it 100% again.
I held on for so long because you believed that it will work and I believed it along.
I held on for so long because we decided to walk into this relationship together.
I held on for so long because you never gave up on me when I hid for hours or even up to days when I don't feel like talking about things that made me disappointed.
I held on for so long because we went through all the ups and downs together.
I held on for so long because of all those memories we had and overcame those that were bad.
I held on for so long because every time I read our old conversations on my phone, it made me smile and I feel that it's a love that's worth for me to put an effort in.
I held on for so long because every year when I make the anniversary book, I'm glad that we overcame those difficulties and with that understanding of each other, we make our relationship stronger and believed that we could continue this way till the end of life.
I held on for so long because it will become a regret if I give up.

I hope that you would give some thought about it and with that, you will make an effortless effort on our relationship. Let's make it 100% together, alright?

I love you.

Overthinking.

Caused by fear.

Seen.

So, your social circle is huge and many people enjoy texting with you.
When you needed help or someone to talk to, I'm here.
When I needed yours, where are you?
You are busy, so do other people.
Sure, I'm already used to the way you disappeared and appearing all the time.
I don't need you to reply when I'm texting nonsense with you.
But please, reply when it requires a reply.
You're old enough to determine which text requires one and which doesn't.