Affection & Attention.

I admit. I admit that I'm a girl who requires a lot of attention and even more on affection. If we start off like this, obviously I would expect it to maintain, nothing more or less. For example, video call every night, simple stuff like texting good morning/night, meet up at least twice a week or bringing me out to a "secret location" that you couldn't tell me just to surprise me. If all these just stop all of a sudden, how do you expect me to cope with it? Even if you let it go slowly, I still couldn't accept it as this is not what I had in the beginning. You can't just stop all those things that you were doing in the past when you were chasing me. It is changing my lifestyle so abruptly. What you had given me became a habit now. Habits are hard to change but I guess it's easy for you, with you going back to your comfort zone while I'm left hanging out here trying to adapt to things once again.

When you said that you wanted some alone time. I. Was. Shocked.
I didn't expect that I am of some annoyance to you when all I wanted was to maintain things like how it used to be. I was too shocked to a point that I'm afraid to be dependent on you and starting to be independent all. over. again. I don't even dare to share with you what happened in my daily life because I'm scared that I'll be disturbing your time.

Is it true that the longer you are with your partner, the more boring it gets as the common topics between both are getting lesser and lesser? Do meeting too often lead to a point that it'll cause some distance instead? By giving all of your free time to yourself, friends and family, what's left for me? Now that you had won my heart completely, are you placing it in a trophy cabinet? Am I asking for too much? Are all these "maintenance" unnecessary? Promises that filled joy in me, were broken. From the daily "I love you" initiated by you to zero of it heard/seen. I'm terrified of changes. Don't do this to me...

Back to school.

Finally back to school.
Before school starts, I felt excited yet stressful.
When I thought about school, I thought of new friends that I'm gonna make in school and all the fun I gonna have with them. All of a sudden I thought about all the schoolwork I gotta do and learning all the concepts in a short period of time. What if I do badly and drop out of school? What if I'm too busy with schoolwork and slogging my life away for the next few years which results in not having enough time to spend with my family and friends, or even myself? All the what ifs just came into my mind like a wrecking ball~



Now that I've started my school life for two weeks now, I'm starting to feel the stress (since the first week of school rather) and experiencing what I was worried about. Go to school early in the morning and back home in the evening. The moment I reached home, I on my computer to do my schoolwork. Repeating it every single day, which included weekends. I couldn't enjoy my weekends like how it used to be. The amount of work seems never-ending. I forgot almost everything that I learned in the past. Seeing my course mates knowing what the lecturer is teaching while I'm sitting here listening to the lecturer talk like as if he/she is teaching in an alien language. I hope it's just me not able to adapt to school life yet because I still have years to go.

I guess I can say that there will be changes to my life soon, mostly negatives since efforts putting in my social life/relationships are going downhill. Okay, back to reality. Bye.